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My team is red hot.

If you wanna find out how true your friend is, you are gonna have to get real. You are gonna have to make yourself completely vulnerable. Eventually.
Otherwise, you can't be trusted.

I'll dip my toe in a little first, to be sure it's not freezing. I don't like to be uncozy and this is the part when I usually withdraw because IcouldprobablyjustdowithoutafterallIhavemadeitthisfarjustfine. But, I conspire against myself for now because a) I am stepping out and b) I always have Lovin' Man to catch me. So, bit by unattractive bit, there I am, in my bathing suit. Under fitting room lights. It's brutal, this chance I'm taking. I am not safe yet, but, it may turn out okay. I will have horrid anxiety that lasts all night on a few separate occasions but it doesn't mean anything. It's only fear getting tricksy. I may drive Lovin' Man crazy because How complicated can this be? I don't have the distraction of guitars and cars to keep things in check. This is a ferocious play of feelings and fear. Conceivable rejection looms in the form of: what will she think of me; what will she think of my family; will she want to keep my son's pal from him; will she disparage me? My secret is out and my cellulite exposed. It might be a disaster. It could get ugly and I went through that once and just don't.

The turning point is when she, with her special brand of casual and cheerful diplomacy, refers to her unreturned calls. "I will call someone a couple of times but if they don't start returning my calls, I assume they don't want me to call anymore so I stop." She has friends and knows how. She doesn't know how crazy I am yet. Or, at least I don't know that she knows but she knows enough and she's isn't spooked. And I realize wallowing has lost it's appeal so I accept her hand of friendship. As it turns out, I learn she's a got a hot mess going on. Everyone does because we are not that good of a people.

Stretch on out, girl Friend. There's a pay off either way. Pleasurable pain of personal progress or the consummate comfort of a careful Confidante.
Who can know until they Do?


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