Things I know.

• Dentist offices should send out a notice with giant bold font announcing when they move to a new location.

• Dentist offices should answer the phone to explain why their office building has been abandoned at some point in the last 6 months.

• People check their daughters out of school to visit dentist offices in the middle of the day.

• Days on which one misses a dentist appointment because the dentist moved and failed to send announcements in bold font should not include any other appointments.

• One who makes 2 appointments for the same day should take care when entering the 2nd appointment into the smart phone calendar app so as not to show up precisely 30 minutes later than the appointed time.

• Smart phone calendar apps are only as smart as their operators.

• Days that include 2 scheduled dentist/doctor appointments should not also include a parent/teacher conference. And track practice.

• If enough time passes (say, 10 months), the pharmacy will actually get the correct birthdate into their system and hassles will minimize.

• Middle schoolers may happen to melt down on frustrating days filled with missed appointments, UTI infections and prescription confusion.

• Elusive dentists, jankity organs and incompetent pharmacies are all preferable to reliving even one day of middle school.

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