You keep bringing me back home.

I spend an inordinate amount of time considering the mentally ill mind. I wonder, for instance, how often it feels discouraged versus delusional. I wonder how often the moods and fears and thrills are accompanied by physical sensations. I wonder if it understands the depths of it's madness but is reluctant to articulate because it will easily frighten. Does it miss the familiarity of irrational thoughts when medication is doing it's job?

I sometimes panic over the swirling thoughts that must accompany every day with mental illness. And night. Is there a lonely feeling or just a different kind of normal? Desperation must be ever present and it hurts my feelings. So I try not to think about it after all.

But I can't help but wonder if Street Person Samuel ever considers the mentally stable mind. As he wanders down Summer Avenue, waving his arms and punching the air, he hollers indecipherable messages at the sky. Does he consider another way for minds to work or is all his energy consumed with coping?

And the one we refer to as Dusty (it is more fitting than his given name, Levi) considers a home under a bridge preferable to mainstream society. He seems coherent enough. What part of him wants what others have? Or, I wonder, does he understand something I don't.

Another fella is big. Huge. He's more Fat Albert than The Rock. His name is Robert and he's a hungry jack. He's a grown man but this doesn't stop him from asking for some of HMB's chocolate milk. When refused, he says, "You mean."

I wonder why.

Comments

  1. I think about this as well! My book club just read a book called Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson which discusses these themes. Not my fav book but it was definitely interesting

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  2. I read a book called Gilead by her and loved it. I'm definitely gonna check that one out!

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