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Showing posts from January, 2012

NTGOAP

Ways in which I am, once again, Not That Good Of A Person include the following:

* I ate bbq with fries for lunch on the same day I had pasta for dinner.

* On days when I have bbq AND pasta, I don't dare count my Weight Watcher points.

* I moved extremely heavy book shelves, books included, but only solicited the help of one other person, priding myself on using my legs and not my back.

* I'm clearly not that good of a shelf mover either because, the next day, my lower back was in misery.

* I allowed a church van to pick up my 14 year old son for Bible study with too little info regarding logistics because I grew up in said church.

* When the bus arrived 2 hours later than I expected, I behaved without decorum towards the bus driver who'd been driving around in a van with 17 kids.

* Man, was I hot. And worried. And sleepy.

* I threw a fit in my raging panic. (It was a school night.)

* Then I turned on said child because I felt certain that a + b equaled c but my rage was m…

Beauty so ancient, so new.

Only a mother can know how tenderly she soothed with her own heartbeat. Etched forever in her mind is the tiny face of one whose every moment belongs to her. Only a mother can know the grace she saves for Hers alone, while she fails to recognize.

Only a mother can know the yearning for a strength she already possesses as she bravely faces. What once seemed whole now forms a million tiny pieces. Only a mother can know the monument of longing she fabricates each time a piece is lost to her, while she fails to recognize.

Only a mother can know how fiercely she rises to become whatever is needed. Boundaries become invisible and challenges are sport as she determines to remove every hurdle. Only a mother can know the drowning of her Self to save Hers, while she fails to recognize.

Only a mother can know how the brightest of light dims but never goes dark. Furrows form while she's tending elsewhere but fears stay constant, disrupting her thoughts and sleep. Only a mother knows how she r…

La la la - Oh, well.

All I need is to sleep soundly for eight or so hours. And to wake refreshed with some semblance of energy. And that's all I need.

Except, I also need some cozy socks because this chill of a morning is ridiculous. And an electric blanket set on 6 & 1/2 'cause 7 is Too but 6 isn't Quite.

And spot free floors. And well behaved dogs that pass on trash diving opportunities. That's about it.

Except, of course, well behaved children who are always sweet to me and scratch my back without prompting and do my bidding without complaining would be lovely. And don't mock me when I use emoticons or insist I'm too old to say "whatevs".

And, maybe a movie to see on date night that's not dull or absolutely ridictable.

And that about does it.

Except, it would be nice to be able to eat whatever and whenever I choose and be fabulous in spite of it. Or, at the least, I need an indifference to chocolate treats with an eagerness for carb blasting exercise.

And, w…

Old friend, why are you so shy?

Fuzzy arrived unannounced and unashamed. She loitered so long in our back yard, she resided. Amazed at her willingness to abide hours of Rough and Rowdy in a yard full of wild little men with plastic swords inside a trampoline, I thought she was Something. Which is why I am perplexed at her timidity these days.

Dang dogs have made her a nervous wreck, forcing the Fuzz to survive on countertops and washing machines. And she startles and scrams at the slightest movement because her rare entry into the world below is met with obnoxious nipping and chasing. I am empathetic. I don't trust dogs either but tis their way and there is nothing for it.

Or maybe it was her teenage pregnancy. She birthed five kittens under her favorite boy's bed. She left the mess for someone else so I knew then she wasn't a real woman. I was scandalized by her abandonment of the runt but each time I returned him to her brood, she would up and move again, leaving me to agonize over this blind and hung…

"There is no one alive who is Youer than You." - Dr. Seuss

What kind of pets do you have at your house?

4yo Jason: I have a dog at my house and a dog at my grandma's house. And my friend has a dog.

5yo Tatum: You didn't let me go yet.

We're going in order. It'll be your turn soon.

4yo Grady: I have a cat but it's not real.

5yo Tatum: You didn't ask me.

Hang on just a minute. It's Ally's turn now.

4yo Ally: I have two fish but I fed one too much food and it died like Jesus on the cross for our sins. And my brother gave it too much food, too.

4yo Jilly: I have a cat. Do you wanna know it's name is it? It's name is Tootie.

5yo Tatum: Can I go now?

Yes, it's your turn. What kind of pets do you have at your house, Tatum?

5yo Tatum: I have some dogs and cats. Don't you want me to tell you their names now?

Yes, go ahead.

One is named Jason and one is named Grady and one is named Ally...

Carried me through desperation to the one that was waiting for me.

It took a while but Big Son finally made it into his world outside mine. He was not altogether anxious to come forth. His reluctance was difficult to bear but I was hopeful. Always hopeful. I didn't know how to not be.

If I could go back to there, I would encourage him to take a peek at the voyage which sails not only smoothly but through those tricky bits, too.

I would say: You'll enjoy seeing the texture of the water's surface. The terrible ripples are fantastic in the sunlight but thrilling by the light of the moon. Your skin will catch the spray at higher speeds but don't let that scare you. It's only a little water, I would say.

I would say, dive on in and allow your body some time to acclimate before you panic at the chill. It only feels unbearable at the moment of impact but this too will pass. You'll soon see how a cool splash can refresh and restore. You may have to tread for a time but keeping your head up will come naturally. Then it's smooth s…

I ain't fakin'.

Recently, while making a pot of Jamie Oliver's cannelloni, tomato and bacon soup for my family, a friend called to update me on her very pregnant sister's status. Someone called in on her line so we said goodbye. I put my phone down without pushing END because my hands were all beany and whatnot and continued cooking. Unbeknownst to me, her other conversation was shortlived and she clicked back over only to enjoy my heartfelt rendition of the Muppet Show theme song, complete with muppety impersonations. "It's time to put on make up. It's time to light the lights..." Like that. Only I forget the words sometimes and get stuck in a loop, singing the same several lines repeatedly with monstery glee. This amused her no end and I've yet to hear the end. In fact, she has shared this over and over so that others might know her delight. She claims it is endearing but there's always the possibility of humiliation.

It occurs to me that although she's my be…

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have 2 hands?" - Milton Berle

Beautiful Daughter likes to keep her books close so she has installed mini libraries in her bedroom, her bathroom, in her Spot by the television and, often, on the dining table and in the car. Among her current faves is a National Geographic series for kids called Weird But True.

Among the places she likes to read Weird But True facts to me:
the kitchen as I cook
my room as I fold laundry
the car as we ride
the bathroom as I shower
It ain't a half bad way to pass the time.

Case in point:

In the minute it takes a sloth to move 5 feet, a cockroach can crawl 295.

The world's oceans contain enough gold to give each person on the planet 2 pounds each.

Popsicles were invented by an 11 year old.

There are only 15 known white alligators in the world.

Some high end spas offer mud masks made with 24-karat gold.

Scientists found stone-tipped harpoons from the 1800s in whales and now believe the Bowhead whale can live up to 200 years.

Zookeepers spray men's cologne around the big c…

I can't give you what you think you gave me.

When I knew everything, books would suffice as experience. With faith close to idolatry, I could always find one that lined up with the current philosophy. A Creative License manipulated by a distributor's sales goal.

When I knew everything, I didn't prefer the wisdom of a Been There Done That but the Did Everything Right, with some rotting skeleton closeted. I discovered too late that the Well Intentioned Mess revealed wisdom's bare bones, purified by the light of day.

When I knew everything, I could make my requests known without ever asking. Here's the blessing I need, Heavenly Father, and, as an added incentive, I wrapped it neatly, tied with a red bow.

When I knew everything, details cast shadows and Hows mattered more than Whys while eternity waited for me to get it right.

When I knew everything, my songs gave place to sighing and afterthoughts to assumptions.

The trouble with young folk is lack of foresight. Unfortunately, young is a relative term and I never…

A real wild child.

My Lovin' Man likes to wax poetic about seafood he orders at restaurants. Nothing will do but for him to relate flaky fish flesh to the relish of Gollum munching his dinner, sans nasty chipses. Whether enjoying sushi or sea bass, his mind is transported to his little island swimming hole where he relishes a dip, sans societal clothing demands. Only there can he harmonize with creation, divinely flavored with a fragrant breeze. And, Island Guy is who he really wants to be, wild and free.

Landlocked, the curtain rises steadily on his version of practical. His job is to inspire rock and roll dreams in audiences of those who were reluctant to hold steady to the impractical.

His Grown Up version includes a tie chosen carefully to match red skinny jeans, sound-above-style instruments, and choreographed antics. Got That Mojo Workin' out or else beautiful daughters can't have pink bedrooms or new black boots. So he does what he knows how to do. As he flops, fish-like, onto the s…