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Showing posts from March, 2012

How great your affections are for me.

Unspeakable joy contrasts with a grieving spirit. Confusion mixed with evolving consolation. Sighs of relief eclipse despair.

A good mother would never allow her babe to enter the danger of darkness alone or at all if she can help it. She keeps him close and watches him safe. No harm will ever befall him if she can help it. And, she can.

Then, without warning, he wriggles from her grasp. He's outgrown her arms. The weight of her burden has lifted and settled in her mind, reluctant and forlorn. There is nothing for it now. Holding on will cause her to buckle under the weight but letting go is an illusion and she was never skilled at magic which requires too little devotion for her taste.

Eventually, she resigns herself to peek through her fingers and pray for mercy. He can go where he chooses. And, he will.

If not for shiny sharpness and the deepest of darkness, she could close her eyes just for the tiniest moment and rest. But all the unknown that she ever imagined begins it'…

Let us climb up the rockery and sit on the garden wall." - The Tale of Tom Kitten

"Hey, hey!"

"You're the book fair and the library."

"Yes. Are ya'll having fun today on the slide?"

"Uh huh. And we didn't get cards pulled!"

"Really? Nobody got a card pulled all day? That's good news."

"No, not even That One!"

"Wow, not even That One? That is so great!"

"Hey, hey."


"We got 2 candy hearts."

"Yeah? Was that because nobody got their card pulled?"

"Um. We didn't get a card pulled."

"Right. So you got some candy hearts?"

"No. They just said it so I ate 'em."

"Okay, good. But I gotta go now."

"Where are you going?"

"To the library."

"But, I thought you were the book fair?"

Good enough to eat thing.

In the new kitchen, people make oreo sandwiches stacked 9 middles high and it's disgusting but fairly decent entertainment. Some people stole at least half those Oreos while I had my back turned fetching milk and that's so wrong of people.

In the new kitchen, people can belly up to the bar for bowls full of salsa with ridiculous amounts of fresh cilantro. Some people can't rest knowing there's homemade salsa with cilantro about and others know they're only getting it that one time until the next time so better make the best of it.

In the new kitchen, people can hang around reciting Star Wars while the crock pot is loaded up with the Indonesian chicken thing from that skinny website. Some people go too far aggravating other people and get kicked out.

In the new kitchen, people's little friends pop in and out after Yoohoos and grapes. Some people tell their friends it's okay to eat snacks on the couch but it's not.

In the new kitchen, people have room to …

What doesn't kill you. Part 2

This issue of the public restroom is unnerving enough to consider from the safety of one's home but the experience itself could well give rise to a breakdown. One's ability to overcome a full on neurotic episode is all the more admirable when accounting for the resolution of the public restroom venture: hand washing. Touch a soap dispenser which has been recently touched by unknown hands recently in a Stalls Two through Next To Handicap? No. If one has the mental promptitude to accomplish that, there's only one last hurdle.

Lastly, one cannot underestimate the crucial moment during which clean, wet hands need to simultaneously dry AND turn off the faucet. Now, at the mercy of the janitor, there's no turning back. Will there be a paper towel available and what hurdles are involved in procuring such?

These paper towel dispensers with the dials and cranks should be outlawed. Furthermore, the invention of automated paper towel dispensers should've rendered the hand dr…

What doesn't kill you. Part 1

Finding a public restroom up to even the barest of standards is the bane of my existence. Whether theater or church, school or plane, every step I take and move I make brings further risk of coming into contact with an unpredictable microorganism with which I am certain I would not like to be acqauinted.

One must mentally prepare for any endeavor involving the public restroom or even a private one if too many bathroom-utilizing-people happen to be present.

First, I can't be the only one to consider the damage done to one's shoes alone when the soles are tainted with public restroom floor germs. And each surface threatens to taint one's clothing, or worse still, the uncovered skin bits which may unintentionally bump against the door or wall of a particularly small space.

If these possibilities were not traumatic enough, there's the problem of opening and closing doors. A handle or latch most always requires grabbing. It's so wrong because the problem of when to …

"...just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering." - A.A. Milne


"Okay. How about we color these pictures about the book fair and you can put them on your refrigerator at home?"

Girls' table:

"I'm getting Fancy Nancy no matter how much it costs."

"I'm coloring all my letters a different color."

"In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room..."

"I have purple letters. JUST purple. Don't you want purple?"

"I've been to that place. I LOVE it!"

"Hey, can you hold this? Can you hold this and watch me for a minute?"

"I love to twirl. Twiiiiirrrrrlllll!"

Meanwhile, at the boys' table:

"Can't I just draw one?"

"I don't want to color that."

"How much is the ninja fighting book?"

"Hey, you can be in his club if you are seven!"

"I'm going to get that ninja book and be a fighter."

"You're not seven but I am...almost."

"Naw, I'm going to do my own club at my house."


I don't wanna be right.

Do you rinse grapes thoroughly but don't bother plucking them before storing or serving because it's more fun to feast like lounging, medieval kings straight from the vine? I'm afraid you're probably not that good of a person.

Do you refuse to turn laundry seam side in before folding because if someone wanted it that way they would've taken more care before the hamper toss? Yeah, you're probably not that good of a person.

Has a smallish trash receptacle been placed in your fireplace but you're not sure why? You're definitely not that good of a person.

Did you enjoy a glass of sauvignon blanc for every load of seam side out laundry folded last night? Really not that good.

Does a lurking old lady cat who dares to jump onto your kitchen counter and lap up leftover butter make you spitting mad? Mhmm.

Is your idea of interesting decor an Usborne Book of the World on the mantle, a Scholastic map (or two) across from your bed (so you can always check) along wi…

Places have their moments.

I found her to be a little careless and I was certain she hadn't taken consideration. Probably no real plan for herself or her kids. I was fairly shocked by her lackadaisical attitude toward her children's demeanor. There was little joy in her mothering. She seemed perpetually irritated and I assumed this was a permanent condition.

She even joked about her shortcomings and laughed in the face of those who seemed to be double timing in their efforts. But she never explained why.

This broad had had enough of shenanigans of all kinds and I mistook her cautiousness for apathy. Her soft center was impercievable given the fortress of hard knocks she'd built around herself. I assumed her contrarity was directed towards her children but I didn't even know everything was for the sake of them.

She became strength as necessary and learned to deflect outsider judgement while harboring them. But, safely inside and cocooned in her loving acceptance, there was no escaping her swift…

NTGOAP: Spring Break

• There may or may not be a pizza box in the fridge.

• It may or may not be the second one of the week.

• We may or may not be using our spring break week wisely.

• We may or may not be springing to breaking every night, then sleeping in every morning.

• We may or may not be dreading Back To Normal.

• We may or may not take pity on ourselves because we aren't at Disney World or Washington, DC or the beach.

• We may or may not soothe our pitiful troubles with Sheridan's.

• We may or may not have a film of green pollen on the outside of our van.

• We may or may not be waiting for rain instead of car washing.

• Rain may or may not help the inside of the van where last week's cookie crumbles still reside.

Foot loose and fancy free.

Real conversations with my teenaged son:

"Where did you get that scarf for that grandma frog puppet you made?"

"Oh, it came from my blonde wig."


"It's a biker wig."

"Oh...Well, what's that?"

"That's an alligator my brother made. Edgar.
He's a dad."

"Alright...that's enough."

Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.

When a parent pays to send their child to a private Christian school, they have certain expectations. A college prep level education. Smaller class size. Teachers with similar world views. Safety from eye injuries.

"Adam, did you just throw that pencil across the room?"

"Yes, but I didn't mean to."

"How could you accidentally throw a pencil across a library?"

I wish I could report this as a conclusion. Unfortunately, this scenario was to repeat several more times in the coming weeks.

"Why would you throw a pencil across the table, Troy?"

"I didn't mean to."

"Really? The last thing I want to do is try and explain to Jonna's mother why her beautiful daughter got a pencil lodged in her eye during library period so maybe you could mean NOT to from now on?"

They laugh like I'm joking and I'm all Rodney Dangerfield because the wild west is never really won.

Bean bag and book tossing is scandalous enough but I d…

I'd make wine from your tears.

She said, I'm grown now, carry several great but promising responsibilites and I refuse to accept any less than I would've ten years before.

He said, I never loved anyone else.

She said, Let's test that.

He said, Let's.

In a big house with wallpaper and a picnic table, he strikes up a game of uno with a confused and angry little boy while a toddling baby climbs onto his shoulders. She tries her best to be frugal, organic and meatless.

They catch the flu and he learns to share because some boys are more high maintenance than others.

He wrenches the last of his blues from a red Gibson Gospel and it's a very long winter.

But, on weekends, they listen to the Stones and grasp hot mugs of milky tea.

She minds the pieces of an eternal puzzle but watches him closely. Thank you for loving him, his mother says.

And she can hardly see how she has a choice. Heart sickness turns to aching and aching to longing and longing to yearning but the yearning is satisfied only with…

Eclipsed by glory.

Joy leaps inside me when an oversized man child demonstrates dances in my kitchen. Or when I hear him laughing with his bro over it. Or when they both insist that my beautiful daughter be trained in the ways of a jedi, ambling upstairs to continue the movie marathon.

Joy leaps within as I watch my Lovin' Man carefully peruse his ever expanding wardrobe for just the right outfit. Even more so, I delight at his system of Recyclables or his sock donning methods.

Joy is mine as I realize the remainder of a night is mine to prowl and play as I like, alone with my book or blog or thoughts. Joy is in the rare freedom of no obligation.

A bit of joy abides in my pride as I read a text from my Big Son far away. His grammar is perfect and sense of humor intact.

Joy is the blessing of my new laundry room. A room dedicated to laundry with a cabinet for storing things and a rod for drying things and my little hooks where I hang things. Just so. And, joy of joys, a pantry!

Joy fills my heart as…

I know I ain't seen nothing yet.

The light in my new bathroom is bright and unflattering. The light in my new kitchen is dim and cloudy. I would much prefer having light shed on food preparations rather than the results of such in the bathroom mirror later.

Unfortunately, my current budget allows for little vanity and I'm stuck for the duration with pores that glare and a spotlight on every blemish. This situation could continue for a long time as these are those dang Al Gore bulbs.

I can't understand why a light bulb that lasts 2 years, or however long, comes to fruition but not one that is soft and flatters so we can all leave the house feeling fine about ourselves. Such a product could revolutionize the beauty and self help industries. Think of the marketing possibilities of a light bulb that softens furrowed brow lines and shrinks pores. A modern day fount of youth.

Easy enough for the environment to embrace correctness as it's beauty only enhances with aging and sunlight makes splendid. For the res…