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Showing posts from October, 2012

Maybe I'm amazed.

Lately, I've taken time to read books for pleasure of story instead of for purpose of learning. And I don't even feel guilty about it.

Lately, I've been making health a priority. Money spent on eating well is money well spent. A literal Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is.

Lately, I've tried listening more and fretting less with regard to my offspring. Because what happens inside their minds doesn't necessarily happen in mine.

Lately, I've considered more of what it takes for a lovin' man to be fulfilled. Outside of me. Outside of family. Outside, even, of the daily woes and joys.

Lately, I've been enjoying a baby again. Even if he is furry and silly looking.

Lately, I've sought joy despite circumstances. But I still roll my eyes at how long it takes me to recognize it.

Lately, I've delighted in care giving. It's innate and I'm fulfilled by serving Mine.

Lately, I'm not dreading winter so much. Platitudes aside, I know it could be wor…

Until you lose what you had won.

Pretend we're on a boat and pretend it's a party and pretend the weather was fair and so was the air.

Pretend the seas were small until thunder made waves and shook us all up so bad and some got so sick they couldn't see straight anymore and some lost heart.

Just pretend.

Pretend the shore came and went but we all stayed aboard because we were together, at least.

Pretend the seas seemed calm again and pretend there was music and pretend it was loud so we all danced and stars still twinkled so pretend some more.

Pretend someone had a belly full of salty air and couldn't find relief unless he lay down and pretend he did.

And pretend we let him because we aren't doctors or sailors and there was nothing else for it and pretend no one even recognized it for some time and pretend every one did but just kept dancing because we aren't doctors or sailors and don't know the seas, as small as they are.

Pretend someone propped him so he doubled over and spew the air …

Catch a grenade for ya.

Making the most of every opportunity, she insists they do the same. Whether joyful or begrudging. She exercises strength until it takes tenacity for granted. If what she sees isn't available to them, she makes it so.

You can't know
and neither can I
what it is that keeps her inspired.
It may be fear.
It may be love.
It may be pride.
It may be stubborn determination. It may be looking back at her.
It may be no choice at all.
May be all.

She tires. She fails. She resents. She regrets. She lies, cheats and steals herself away for the sake of them.

She stays true under duress.

Only when they erupt in her hands will she know it's time to watch, contentedly, as they explode into the atmosphere.

Judgment is simple save the complicated Judge. In 10 or 100 years, it will all be a blur and only intentions remain.

You can't know until you do.

Just to take Him at his word.

My lovin' man is on the second juicer of the year. He's tearing it up with this juicing. I was wary at first but now he brings me extra large glasses of unidentifiable juice each morning. Sometimes, it has a sweet flavor and pulpy consistency. Sometimes, it has a nutty flavor and creamy consistency. Sometimes, it's berry flavored with flax seed. Mostly, I enjoy it and am pleased with the benefits of a clean, nutrient rich breakfast. Sometimes, I don't care for it but consider the medicinal benefits because it still beats castor oil and junk.

This day, it was hot, spicy and gingery in an effort to stave off a funky virus sneaking up on us. It was a medicinal day.

I'm blissfully ignorant as to what he puts in these juice concoctions although I am noting strange new shapes in the form of produce appearing in my fridge. I just drink them as they appear in my cup, trusting that he and his Jack Lalanne have it under control.

My Beautiful Daughter, allergic to penicillin…

NTGOAP: Others

• Others may efficiently pack for their vacations while we reserve the right to purchase necessary toiletries at tourists prices.

• Others may cheerily set out of a morning while we snipe and bicker as we depart upon our week of family fun.

• Others may share the responsibility of driving while one of us deems the other fairly incompetent only to complain when incompetents snooze along the way.

• Others discuss nature or politics or somesuch during picnics at rest stops while we debate Spiderman vs. Superman.

• Others arrive at the intended destination in a timely fashion while we stop for boiled peanuts and peanut brittle and somesuch and cannot manage 5 bladders on a schedule.

• Others have the best of intentions AND stick to their clean eating plan while traveling while we fall off the wagon and let it roll right over us and off on it's way.

• Others rise early of a vacation morning in order to get a head start and enjoy a splendid sunrise over the ocean while we leave others t…

NTGOAP: Occupied

• It may happen that you are cleaning windows in a new and exciting space into which your church family is moving.

• You may just be getting started, enjoying the shuffled tunes on your lovin' man's iPod which have finally found a room large enough to embody them.

• You may have a beautiful daughter with urgent needs although you JUST left a restaurant and you suspect the need has reached urgency only recently.

• It may be that the facility that needs utilizing has a door and it's locked.

• You may wonder to yourself what the point is of locking the door to such a facility in an otherwise empty building but you don't say it out loud.

• Because, saying so will not change the fact that you must now venture into the chilly rain with your beautifully yet poorly dressed daughter who refuses to take your advice about fall attire and has miles of bare limbs exposed to the elements as you run her to the car where your tidily folded umbrella waits for it's chance to be reme…

Thought I had seen the end.

Peace flows steady and silent upon waters of doubt, into a current of disappointment, engulfed occasionally in waves of fear. Emerging constant. Powerful is surrender, splashing and sputtering through even the calmest waters. My eyes instinctively close.

For what seems like ages, perfect love beckons but I hold fast to hopelessness. I cannot trust what I cannot see. My eyes inexplicably close.

Only my lips serve my faith while I am mute to the sound of my own voice. And, just when I find myself drenched in salty tears, gasping and terrified, my own voice rings true.

Over and over this scenario plays me out. I cannot be drawn in, tempting though it is. "You shall not pass." My eyes are blurry as they readjust to the darkness.

It may appear as weakness to some but I run like a child, blindly, to the source of my sustenance. If a Father willingly gives, a child is immeasurably blessed by the act itself.

My eyes effortlessly close.

His generosity is such that I often refuse to…