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Closed the door and left me blinded by the light.

Sometimes, holding on loosely equals a war; cold though it may be. It always starts the same:
Quit on you or
failed you or
broke you or
frightened you or
Said what wasn't true.
Enraged you and it's still not okay.
Tearful moments that shape us, in spite of ourselves.

Remember that time you called me Four Eyes and it was true?

Remember when I felt alone and said so but you patted my hand and walked away?

Remember how I thought you held my hand but you were really just shaking them all?

Remember that time I slept all night and all day with a silent cordless phone under my pillow?

Remember how you wrote that letter with the lower cases and I couldn't recognize one word of truth?

Remember how you left me at the first sign of trouble without a life line?

Remember how I lost you, Little Baby? Only to be followed by Despair and Devastation.

Remember how I trusted you with the most precious thing because you were so precious to me?

Remember how you let me drag betrayal all the way to now without a single word until I stopped to rest?

But I just had to rest because I was so cold and my hands were dry and clammy at once.

Each time I bite my lip before I set the bitterness aside. Having newly freed arms enables me to reach higher to the One who, no matter which path, has walked before me: taunting, loneliness, disappointment, fear, deception, loss, lies, bitterness and anger.

Each bit of our brokenness was magnified and suspended between heaven and earth, raw and exposed while He purposed to take it all unto Himself. Choosing what I could not. Would not. Because all I ever wanna do is run from Brokenness.

It's unfathomable that in any little thing or every little thing, I never have to walk alone.


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