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You're a mean one.

Maybe it makes me not that good of a person but I truly dislike Halloween.

Eye rolling at the profit driven advertisements appealing to the lowest common denominator, I'm equally disturbed by the inappropriately gory decor at my local grocery store. I just need some orzo and tomato paste and I ain't wanting to see all that. Accepting this as normal is beyond bizarre and second only to our acceptance of brothel inspired costumes that ladies trot out this time of year.

(I hate haunted houses.)

When teenagers hide in trees above sidewalks intent on terrorizing even the tiny Tinkerbell and bitty Spiderman, I am simultaneously horrified and infuriated. Halloween pranksters should operate under some code of decency and let the Tinkerbells be.

(I hate haunted corn mazes.)

Honestly, it's too much pressure on parents to make this Homage To Candy something fabulous and unforgettable. And, what business does a home have with so much candy? Even the tamest of children obsess and behave monstrously in the presence of copious amounts of sugar.

(The sheer avarice.)

Maybe it makes me not that good of a person but I resent these "holidays" that I'm expected to buck up and embrace so my kids feel like they're having a happy childhood because I can't fight every battle and I choose them with as much wisdom as I possess at the moment.

(And, another thing I hate is walking around in the cold.)

I do like how Halloween is so close to Election Day and the obvious comparisons which can be drawn.

In the true spirit of Halloween (and a crotchety middle ager), I hate, hate, hate, hate it.

Come on, I can't be the only one.

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