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Showing posts from October, 2013

NTGOAP: City cats

• We're the city folk who roll into the small town and gawk at the charm of Main Street cafes and boiled peanut stands.

• We're the city folk the small town folk bump into because we're performing an unimportantly urgent task with our smart phone app.

• We're the folk who can't be still.

• We're the city folk who treat small town thrift stores as cultural tourism.

• We're the city folk who anthropomorphize cows in pastures unless we're enjoying a gourmet burger.

• We get cranky if we can't find a decent espresso.

• We're shamefully and unapologetically urban but we still long to see a gorgeous sunrise.

• We're the city folk who find inspiration all at once in a slow down town.

Time is on my side.

Fantastic rays of sun try to debut splendor in the distance while hazy, grey clouds impede my view.

It's early yet but my man is weary from too little sleep and the stillness. There's nowhere to go and nothing to do but push on. He has no use for foresight or hindsight but prefers to delight us, enjoying moments manufactured just for us. This road offers only minutes and miles. Drudgery.

The darkening cloud is directly overhead now. I keep having to remind myself that every little thing, although not optimal, is going to be okay.

I can't see the sun at all but I know he is shining because light has not left altogether.

Finally, the rain comes. Were it not for the aching and worry, I could recognize it for the gift it is.

"Those are some big rain drops."

Time out.

I think it's gonna rain today.

The first time the load really was too heavy for me to carry alone but I didn't ask for help. I foolishly assumed it was my own burden to bear and, maybe eventually, if I could let it go then I could lay it down. But, I stubbornly refused to share all that was left of us.

As it turns out, I'm still hauling that one around. Only, now, it lies dull in the pit of my heart.

Because I miss you and it's tricky to find peace in irrelevance.

I used to resent having it said but I can see now how quickly the years erode our embankments.

On one side, there's something to celebrate. An accomplishment. A right of passage. On the other side, there's longing and...Is that panic? Strange, new feelings are hard to recognize and I'd rather not bear the burden.

Because I wanted so much for you and invested my whole self to see you whole.

I used to resent having it said but I see now you are not mine and never were.

You slip in and out of my grasp like running water. I can…