Skip to main content

I think it's gonna rain today.

The first time the load really was too heavy for me to carry alone but I didn't ask for help. I foolishly assumed it was my own burden to bear and, maybe eventually, if I could let it go then I could lay it down. But, I stubbornly refused to share all that was left of us.

As it turns out, I'm still hauling that one around. Only, now, it lies dull in the pit of my heart.

Because I miss you and it's tricky to find peace in irrelevance.

I used to resent having it said but I can see now how quickly the years erode our embankments.

On one side, there's something to celebrate. An accomplishment. A right of passage. On the other side, there's longing and...Is that panic? Strange, new feelings are hard to recognize and I'd rather not bear the burden.

Because I wanted so much for you and invested my whole self to see you whole.

I used to resent having it said but I see now you are not mine and never were.

You slip in and out of my grasp like running water. I can't hold you except to contain you. I've made that mistake enough times to save myself the frustration.

With a heavy hearted thud, Melancholy sets himself down right next to Regret.

And you? You're too mesmerizing for all that.

So, there's nothing for it but to sit back and wait to recognize something in you that looks like me.

I can only promise to be delighted.


Popular posts from this blog

Just get out the way, and let the gentleman do his thing.

Retired Memphis Police Department Chief Inspector Robert Jones came to my pool party the other day. Over hot dogs and fruit salad, he regaled his grandchildren with tales of his days in Special Services on the police force. That's SWAT to you and me.

Among those anecdotes, he spins a yarn that includes a tear gas capsule hidden on the motor of a car full of pimps and ladies of the night, effectively expelling these law breakers out of a Buick Electra 225, running crazy. Later, he would be appointed Chief Inspector, along with fellow officer James Bolden (who also served MPD director), climbing his way up the career ladder with an excellent work ethic. But, before all that, he was a regular joe on the beat, paying his dues. Only, this fiery, young Irishman was going to do it his way.

They called him The Flame. Not only for his ability to run like one but, there was also that shiny red hair. In his youth, his stubborn independence got him into some trouble so he channeled that and mad…

I was so scared to face my fears.

Why You even trust us with so much, I can't even imagine. We alternate between pumping triumphant fists in the air and rocking quietly in the corner, squeezy eyes and knitty brows, vulnerable to the next thing next. In a matter of weeks, issues that include extreme trauma, mental illness, genetic disorders, and tired, old grudges, which serve to poison the waters, pass through our hands. We stand, arm in arm, carefully considering whether we are meant to dodge or take the shots:What are we supposed to be to learning?
Can we set it gently to the side and move along?
Is this our burden to bear for a season?
Who is wearing hearts on sleeves?
and should we?It's hard to say in a world of emotions but I KNOW our hearts are true. Even in their ugliest states, we keep it real. Sometimes, we're all Daigle, inspired and fortified, but, as many times as not, we're blasting Adele, accidentally alienating the ones we love and raw as can be. Let's just keep the Gungors, Eminems …

You built me palaces out of paragraphs.

You're so sure I don't hear your words. Maybe you think there's too much weary history for me to contend with New & Fun. You hear told of the time before yours and sometimes you feel alone. Maybe you've even wondered if I'm still up to the challenge.
You assume too much, Love Child, because yours are the words I've been waiting for all my life.
So many words.
My time before you taught me to talk less and hear more but I sift through ALL your words and listen for your heart.
Without your words, how could I know that you sometimes say what you don't mean just because you feel too much to articulate?
Without your words, how could I know that you are unsure and insecure about who you might become?
How could I know, were I not listening, that you often hold back because you think it's not quite your time?
Without your words, how could I know how much you root for the underdog with a righteous anger?
Without your words, how could I know that you often …