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NTGOAP: Sunburnt

Ways in which I'm Not That Good Of A Person: Summer 2016

• Although I am having a fantasticallyamazinglyadventurous summer, I am nonetheless plagued by a magnificentlyludicrouslyridiculous anxiety. It's a special kind of crazy where an introvert attempts to live in an extrovert's world. I'm talking about following my performer husband around the northern hemisphere as he comes alive in throngs of strangers and I die a little on the inside from the imagined pressure. To live up or come down. I can't even figure out which it is.

• So, I rely on liquid temerity and an abundance of adjectives while choking down ambiguous fears. I am brave though.

• If not, to a fault.

Most days, I am cool with leaping before the net appears.
• But, I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't concerned with the perspective of those on the ground.

Which brings me to my next point...
• In what I can only assume is an unprecedented anomaly, I've simultaneous delight and dread over his success. It is mostly delight. Mostly. Perhaps, another anomaly presents itself when I find that I don't want to be invisible.

• Just not THAT visible.

• And, I really don't want to be the picture taker either.

• Or the person who keeps their mouth shut when the people say and do the things that are intrusive.

Speaking of intrusive, the sun got a little too much of me.
• On a recent trip, while grappling with my insecurity, I wore a thing that was too hot but I STILL managed to get a sunburn. Not in the southern Caribbean, where I also visited this month, but CANADA. That's the one that starts with the C but is FAR AWAY from the equator.

I guess one can never escape from the fierce beauty of the sun.

• Therein lies the conundrum of a Not That Good Of A Person.


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