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NOTGOAP: Bedside manners

There's really no way to accurately judge the strength of a couple's relationship until the pressure is on.

At this point in our lives, where kids are mostly raised and mostly out of the house and finances do not have a choke hold on our ability to live in reasonable comfort, it seems there's only one thing that remains to threaten our marital bliss.

Sleep Wars.

That's not like Star Wars where there's a perpetual struggle between good and evil.

No, not that. I'm mostly talking the battle for somewhere in the middle.

I'm referring to the conflict that arises when one spouse determines that, indeed, the speaker cabinet having served for many years now as a fine bedside table, is too far away from (let's say "her", for purposes of efficiency) HER bedside and (let's say "she") SHE takes it all upon herself to do a bit of tidying up. One might assume this is an easy enough fix, except when taking into account that (let's say "his"), HIS bedside space, to be fair,  includes a cumbersome chest of drawers and a dog's cushion. Untidy as it may seem to the naked eye, assumedly, these are some of the contributing reasons for the disarray on this particular side of the bed. Still and all, preferring one another (untidy spaces notwithstanding) is key to a strong relationship.

Hence, the decision to move the bed over towards the speakercabinetservingasanightstand instead of the otherwayround.

Only, this couple has recently upgraded to a kingly mattress and boxsprings set that may or may not have been placed on an insufficient frame.

As a result of The Moving (and lack of forethought on the part of The Mover), the foot thingy that supports the middle gave way and rests, decidedly unsupportive, in the darkness of the underbed, effectively rendering said kingly bed to a less kingly stature with a deep crevice where luxurious space once existed.

This is THE Space, apparently, in which the happiness of marriage precariously lies.

My bed was a bowl - a sort of bowl in which the double occupants spent their nights struggling to maintain personal space and climb out of the crevice to respective bedsides.

• Knees were bonked.
• Accusations were made.
• The imaginary, but ever important, boundary that etiquette dictates, even in the most intimate of relationships, was crossed.
• Sharp words were spoken in the wee hours.
• Darker sides were revealed.

People gotta sleep. Although I've written extensively of my love and devotion to my spouse,
Enough is enough.

It's not you, Love of My Life, it's the sharpness of your kneecaps.

And, I'm just Not That Good Of A Person.


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